Why · do · we · fake · this · Unrequited · Love

Alrighty well i guess i better fill in all of my friends and whoever reads this... Well here it goes.

Today i went to the doctors office for the prelim exam before my transplant. they said they are thinking its gonna happen in about six months, so that doesnt make me happy. and i found out that my mom wont be able to donat her kidney because she has high blood pressure so there are two sides to that. the bad side is that of course she feels bad because she cant help me out.. which i totally understand.. and the good side is that she cant give me her kidney which truly makes me happy because i never wanted to risk her healt for mine. i know she would totally argue that point with me but if something were to happen to her i would never be able to forgive myself. if i sounded like an arogant ass there im sorry, im truly not. so my brother has offered to get tested to see if he can donate, whiich means SO much to me. its a really big deal for him to even suggest that.. i mean when he first did i nearly cried.so yeah there going to test him in about a week and then we will know if he can donate. ut in the meantime i have been entered onto the California Donor list.. whch is a 3 and 1/2 year waiting period (talk about your private club jeesh) and my kidney wont even make it that long so i would have to be on dialisis for the time being. so that means this A) a new way of life B) no school for a year C) no work at all D) no over exertion which means anything more than lifting a jar of peanut utter, which i would be able to eat. so yeah that is my like at this point in time

P.s. If you or anyone you know are interested in donating a kidney or any organ to a child in need let me know and i can give you contact info for the transplant coordinator at Licile Packard Childrens Hospital in stanford

So i havnt fully updated this in a LONG time. <(haha pun on my name) okay im over it. but anyways. about a week ago i asked this girl Chaslin that i used to work with out. it wasnt in person which was my first true mistake. but i was talking to her online and she told me that she just had a fight with her b/f and yeah i felt shitty.. not for me because im totally cool with that but just the fact that she was fighting with someone and she was sad totally made me feel bad. she too nice of a girl to be sad ya know, well we havnt really talked since which truly sucks because shes a really cool person. well in other news i got a new Job. I now work as a cafe seller at Borders Books in union city.. so if any of my friends are out there or in that neck of the woods at a movie or something.. stop by and chat or get some coffee. so since i've been working there i've made a couple of new friends. my manager Shuan is FUCKING hilarious. he's a bit of a germaphobe but he puts a humorus twist to it. and he is TOTALLY in live with johnn depp (yes i elieve he is gay) but like he's seen Charlie and the chocolate factory 10 Times. i was like OMG thats Crazy. so yeah.. i've learned to make alot of coffee drinks and its been extremely fun.. i drink way too much coffee when im there. like on monday i had a massive caffiene withdrawl. like i was tired at 5pm and i woke up at 10am.. but anyways. its really fun there and i get alot more hours then i did at CMM. So yeah, I also got a new car which is totally awesome. i got an Acura Integra. its so much fun to drive.. and it has GREAT gas mileage. so school started on monday.. woooo another semester at Ohlone. Jr College. but i've finally decieded what i want to become when i grow up. i mean i'm still going to do photography as a hobby, but right now i am working on getting into the nursing program at ohlone.. i want to become a Pediatric nurse so i can give back ya know. but besides that nothing has really happened it my life.. i go into the doctors tomorrow so they can test me and make sure im eligeble for another transplant. which is really scary.

Well laters Props from the 510

Sidenote: so recently a couple of people who i thought i was friends with and i totally thought they were cool people, became total assholes. Jasen Champaeu and Tiffany Heggebo, Jasen for one tells me that we have never been friends which i thought we were at one point but ohwell hes not a big loss. but tiffany. she has this newfound vision or faith in god. Which im totally cool with you know, to each their own, but its kindof obsessive, like i told her something and she said that it was "Gods" will and she knows exactly how i feel about any religous subject. but recently she's said that I did something wrong, yet, she wont tell me what so i can't fix it.. so yeah it sucks losing her as a friend because i dont have anyone to have moral conversations with anymore.. ah fuck it i dont need some highschooler to make me feel good..

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
um.. a cat clawed my lip

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Massive amounts of wholes, a Nosferatu poster, and a Wunder Brewing Co Poster, then i have a bulliten board

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
ITs a flip phone

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Punk, Rock, Hip-Hop, Emo, Really anything except for country

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
like 6:34 pm

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Um.. to sleep and get a new job

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES?
Living a normal life without the influence of 24 pills a day

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
My Darkroom setup, or my computer

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Summer mornings, and Spring evenings

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
sometimes

11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW
i would die tomorrow, and i would be mourned

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Myself, and the doctors

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Adidas Moves

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I love red heads, but usually like either short hair or shoulder length

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
um... i could see my self proposing to a girl like.... in a resturant

16. DO YOU LIKE PORN?
i dont like it but i do look at it

17. WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES?
Music From Another Room, Under The Tuscan sun, Eternal Sunshine, Nightmare before christmas, and Vincent

18. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON?
rome, or england

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
haha my mom

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
no

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
fuck i dont know, A Cd or something

22. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER(s)
wow.. i dunno, um.. Carla Bruni

23. FAVORITE BAND(s)
Alot of them, But mainly greenday

24. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
any book thats captures my attention

25. FAVORITE DESSERT
um.. i dont know

26. How DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?
Suger, with cream, flavored if possible

27. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE?
" All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream" Edgar Allen poe

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
no.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Just straight up tell them

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 37

31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES? RedHeads

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Tiff, or random people

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
When people talk during movies,(AKA Mike Barkoff) or when someone answers there cell 3 times during a movie

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
FUCK YAH

35. WHO IS YOUR CURRENT CRUSH?
This girl at my work.. i have totally fallen for her

36: WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR?
Heights

37: SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN/TALKED TO IN AWHILE:
Ogaslag

38: HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND NOT MEANT IT?
nope

39: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
listening to music

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
i wouldnt

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Bored as fuck

42. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA?
Peperonni, Sausage, Ham, Pinapple

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
um.. nothing

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
it jsut passed.. and i got darkroom stuff

45. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING BLOOD?
Laugh and then tell a little kid it was frostinf and he should go drink it

1. Reply with your name and I will write
something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song reminds me of
you.
3. I'll tell you what item of clothing I'd love to steal from your
closet.
4. I will name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell
you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what
color you remind me of.
7. I will tell you what animal I believe you evolved
from.
8. Put this in your journal.

Okay so i JUST got back from getting the 6th instalment of the Harry Potter series OMG it was so fucking awesome.. it was so much fun there .. i mean it wasnt to much fun.. but these two kids started having a wand duel and i was like SCORE.. a wand fight.. so i watched that but then one of the moms yelled so i stuck my tongue out at her.. i read parts of a book on Adolf Hitler... i dunno about him... i mean like.. im kinda on the fence about his life and shit.. but anyways i got the book at 2:15 AM.. hoosha well later.. i got work tomarrow and im dreading it.. buh-bye

So today was a pretty shitty day... let me explain..
I woke up around 3 pm after having dreams of being shot and choked to death. yay great mood to wake up in.. so as i'm sitting up in my bed to get readdy for the day my back seizes up and i fall backwards unable to catch my self, well needless to say i hit my head on the banister and fell to the ground. i was paralysed for a good hour. i was finally able to move and slowly crawled to my feet. and that in itself was a chore. so i safley made it downstairs and took a shower. the hot water was all used up so my shower was ice cold.. which was ok because it was kinda hot today. and thats about the end of the badness for a while.. i filled out a couple of applications and headed out to turn them in. i turned one in at gamestop and talked to them about wrestling because two of the guys used to do backyard wrestling. so after that i went and dropped off a resume at Rasputins. I walked across to the mall and i didnt really want to go in so i just wandered the parking lot for about an hour. as i was finally about to go inside this car pulled up next to me and he girl inside of it called me over. she asked me if i wanted to go to the holiday in down the street and have sex.. she said she would give me $300. so i said yeah what the fuck.. still a virgin. so i got in and we drove like a block to the holiday in and we went in and got a rom. well when we got in there i was ready to go but instead she pulls out a badge and her gun and about 4 other cops bust in and arrest me for soliciting sex... so they take me to the police station and process me and all that jazz. well i'm talking to the girl who tricked me. and i told her if i wasnt a teen virgin i probably would have never done this and this is my first time blah blah blah... well she decides to let me go so im liek cool. so im cleared of all charges and sent on my way... they take me back to my car and i head home.. and here i am.. safe sound and bored out of my fucking mind

So yeah... its like 4:30 in the morning and i am sitting here listening to alanis morrisette, and drinking coffee. i'm pulling an all nighter which i havnt done in about 2 years. but it's wierd i've been writing songs lately, thats not cool because they all suck.. because i have nothing true to write songs about.. but i am writing another short story/ book.. one of these days im going to finish one if these books and try to get it published. so yeah.. whats been new with me lately.. hmmmm. well im going to be starting singing lessons in a couple of weeks... im happy about that cuz then i might be able to audition for "My Fair LAdy" and that would just rock... so yeah... oh my play is almost over.. this is the last weekend we perform *tears* but you know it was alot of fun while it lasted and i made some new friends and got some really kick ass CD's god i'm really craving a cigarette right now.. i dont know why. maybe its because im drinking coffee. eh i dont know... well anyways

Later Days

AlRighty people...
I'm trying to get a group together to take a road trip down to disney land. i really want to do this... it will end up costing probably around $500-$600 per person (no im not paying for you) so yeah.. i've pretty much got my money saved up so WHO WANTS TO GO.............. and im thinking about doin it in august